Tuesday, 7 January 2014

Looking Back on the Lessons of the Lovers Tarot Card

Hello 2014. It is difficult to say if last year lived up to its tarot numerological promises. (See last post on 'Lovers' Year'). On one hand, it certainly did in the relationship department, albeit it being very short-lived. It just so happened that the glorified friends that were mentioned as being exemplars of being bold and taking the plunge into contestable relationships also found their relationships unraveling at the end of 2013.....

Three out of the five of the 'relationship heroines' seemed to be heading toward - or are already suffering, perhaps - the fate that I myself had. Does this mean that being bold and fearless and taking the plunge and going with the heart instead of the head doesn't necessarily pay off? What happened and why did we fail so miserably? 

What I learnt out of this experience, painful as it was, was that each year's lesson stays with you and becomes a part of you after it is learnt. Looking back now, I can see that the shattered promises of my relationship has now become a part of me. Not in a negative way though. Perhaps I was over-optimistic that the relationship challenge, if overcome, would guarantee blissful permanence unto the rest of my life. But it turns out that the universe has a timing system. Perhaps it wasn't meant to be. For now, or forever. We don't know, do we? Not until the universe thinks it is time to reveal the outcome. Or when we ourselves are ready. It is no doubt a valuable lesson learnt, and integrated, if we are lucky enough to live through it. 

The Lovers tarot card is all about choices. How do we know if we are making the right choice? Looking back, it seems as though we're drawn to making that choice, or taking the plunge no matter what at that time. I don't think anyone can resist that opportunity, or that magnetic force, and would've plunged against all odds or amidst all voices of dissent. The lesson of the Lovers card was about making an important relationship choice in order to purge our demons and previous inhibitions. 

Me and my BFF went through the same thing this year peculiarly, as our fates are more or less tied together sharing the same Life numbers and Year numbers. We both went through the painful lesson of the Lovers year. It's hard to say if it signifies 'The End' to that particular relationship that we were drawn to purge. But at least we know we are put through a challenge that we could not overcome at this moment, due to timing, practical constraints, value differences etc. What drew us to these difficult and contestable relationships in the first place? Karma, supposedly. It's the only explanation that makes sense. Perhaps we thought that the Lovers year was a time of culmination for our relationships - since it lured us to take the plunge no matter how improbable or controversial right? Everyone said 'No, it won't work!' 'No, he's not suitable!' 'No, you can do better!' 'No, please reconsider!' Somehow we are driven to stick with our choices anyway, because we believe that we can finally overcome our difficulties with our steely determination and strong free will. And so we take the plunge....and we get hurt because indeed, like everyone said, it did not work out. 

What did we learn from this? That we shouldn't have taken the risk? That we should've been more practical to begin with? That we should've listened to other people's practical advice because we weren't objective enough? That we could've prevented all this pain and misery in the first place if we just resisted acting on our impulses? 

It's so difficult to say whether there are regrets or not in our choices last year. I think we were really meant to take the plunge and go with our heart's true desire. I think it was meant to cost us blood, sweat and tears. That's all a part of the package of the year's lesson. To learn to deal with the excruciating pain that comes with the delectable passion is part of the deal. As to how this lesson is integrated into our future lives.....I can say that perhaps we have to believe in Divine Timing and that there are forces beyond our control. We are very diminutive in this regard. We may be able to control our external environment in many ways, ie: we work hard to make a good living, we study hard to gain a good education......but there is one thing that is outside our control - relating to others. When it comes to human interaction, there is nothing we can do when the Other does not comply. We may try hard to persuade, to impress, to serve, and to love, but ultimately, we cannot control what the Other thinks. We may think that what we are doing is good for both of us, or what we are sacrificing is enough to get us through life's difficulties, but the Other may not think it is enough, and may not be fulfilled as it is. The lesson of the Lovers card is that relating to others is perhaps the most difficult lesson of all. Because we simply cannot control what others think and do. And that is completely baffling and painful to those of us who have had our whole entire lives under control. Or maybe we think we do, until this moment when we finally encounter something we cannot change, no matter how hard we try. Others, just like us, have a free will and Divine Timing of their own, and that is fair enough. 

A lesson of relating to others is invaluable, and it has made us more humble, less self-centred, less complacent, and more considerate for the rest of our lives. 

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